You can listen to the audio below. Please excuse the coughs lmao, I’ve been sick and I thought you wouldn’t be able to hear it.
1. Twenty Years Old
Australian guy and I have been flirting in the kitchen behind the café register all day. He stands behind me to reach for the roll-ups of silverware and I press my back into him. We’ve been like this all summer, sending each other quiet suggestions.
In the morning, we serve hungry patrons brunch and I sway my hips. In the afternoon, we count the cash side-by-side and he lifts his shirt up. We lock eyes and bump each other playfully. The other waitress whispers to me about his appeal with longing in her voice. All summer we do this, which is now coming to an end.
Today is Australian guy’s last day before he flies back to the Southern Hemisphere. So, tonight we’re all going to see a show and drink and smoke marijuana. One last hurrah. A big group of us go into town and it’s a warm night. I’ve already met the two women who are talking to me now and I think they want to be my friend. I’ve yet to have a deep conversation with them though. My desire lies elsewhere…
When the band starts to play I ask Australian guy to buy me a beer. The pint glass is cold and wet and the beer is bitter and repulsive on my tongue. A dark colored IPA, but I drink it anyways. And another one. I didn’t eat much today so I’m drunk already. I hang near Australian guy and we continue our subtle flirting. Mostly, I feel like I’m waiting around. I have high hopes for the end of tonight. We watch the band shred their guitars, and I dance.
After the show we all walk down Main Street into the suburbs, home to sleep where Australian guy is staying with a rich American uncle of his. On the walk through redwood trees, drunk and laughing, the girls who want to be my friend light up a cigarette. I ask to share one too.
In the middle of it being passed to me, Australian guy says, No don’t. He snatches it from my hand and gives it back. I’m surprised for a moment. Then he says, I don’t like the taste of cigarette smoke. I play along and ignore the girls who give him sidelong looks, because what he’s said means he’s going to kiss me.
In the house we don’t hesitate, we split off to our predicted rooms. The two girls who want to be my friend giggle off to a bedroom together. Me and Australian guy slink off to another.
Not a bedroom it turns out, but a private living room area, with a bathroom, where he’s been staying. With a wrap-around couch the size of the room itself.
I had weeks to fantasize about this moment and now it was here. I pull him close to me and we undress. And I lie on my back and we finally do what we’ve hinted at.
And I discover…
Oh, this is pretty boring.
Where’s the heat from the kitchen gone?
Did he lose all his fingers or what?
And then moments later it’s over.
He quickly stands and cleans himself in the corner with an unromantic hand towel. I sit up onto my elbows. Wait, is that it? I’m still waiting for what is supposed to be the most erotic sex of my life. To put the men on the cover of romance novels to shame. Instead, he returns with some affection and lies above me to give me hug. I hug him and pat his back, like you would a baseball buddy. His breathing slows, and then…he falls asleep. I say his name: Australian guy? I shake him, and he doesn’t budge. No. He has fallen deep into slumber. Immediately, I start to laugh. Are you kidding?
I slide out from under him with some difficultly as he snores, which makes me laugh harder. I suddenly know where I want to be.
I run out into the main area and down the hall to the girls’ room. Laughing, I open the door. Even though it’s 3AM, the two girls who want to be my friend are awake and chatting in the dark with the lights off. I run into the room and jump into bed between them, sliding my body under the covers. Their warmth a comforting sensation. They welcome me with open arms and curiosity. Right away, I gossip. I come alive with the juicy details. All the women who know Australian guy are curious what it would be like to bed with him, assuming his peacock confidence would match his skill. We are young.
After alotta nothing he fell asleep on me!
Oh, my god.
Despite an entire summer of illicit promises now let down, my disappointment is quickly replaced with a joy of getting the chance to connect with these two women in a deeper way. I suppose I was distracted before, chasing what has turned out to be a fantasy.
At twenty years old this will be my first, and last, heterosexual one-night stand. Have they ever been amazing? I’ll have to ask other people for their own stories.
From this moment on, the two girls who want to be my friend and I have been spending more time together throughout the fall, even staying with me after a night out again, but this time in my own apartment.
I see we are becoming friends, and we could’ve been all along.
What do you think of this idea of parables? Ever since I turned 30 in March last year, I’ve been writing a listicle of 10 lessons I learned in my 20’s, but every time I tried to write it I’d end up with pages of stories from each year. So the above is the first of 10 parables from my 20’s instead! I hope to capture how I think I was then, foolish and unreliable but also thoughtful and looking for growth. It’s more fun this way.
I completely devoured this piece as you would a delectable passion fruit martini - i want more !!!!!
Love this!!!
"I say his name: Australian Guy?"
Amazing!