Hi dearest,
If you could mold a blob into your ideal partner, what would they look like? How would they behave? What would they offer to do for you?
This is the premise for the novel, Blob, I can’t stop thinking about. It’s also a good question to ask ourselves.
If you were lonely like the main character, Vi, and found a sentient blob in an alleyway behind a bar and brought it home, what kind of person would you create out of it? What kind of trap would you make for them so they could never leave you?
In Blob, Vi creates a George Clooney look-a-like with the expectation he’ll love her and make her feel desirable. She forces this creature to stay in her apartment to help her feel whole again after a bad breakup. She wants the sexy blob to love her unconditionally but most importantly, she wants to never be left. To me, this is evidence that Vi assumes she’s unlovable.
Vi’s value in herself is renewed based on Bob’s attractiveness. There’s a folly in searching for an ideal partner based on how attractive the world views them, versus how much they’ll accept you for who you are.
I’ve been wondering ever since reading Blob, what should you look for in a partner (or partners) that makes you feel valued?
(Vi does ultimately grow from her experiment with the blob, but no spoilers!)
My first thought is this: a lifelong partner will witness us at our worst. No like really, our fucking worst. They know us intimately more than anybody else in our lives. More than our siblings and parents, more than our closest friends (unless they happen to live with you too).
Vi doesn’t need a facsimile of George Clooney. Vi needs somebody who’ll see her at her worst and won’t flinch, won’t retreat or look away.
I had lunch with a new friend on Saturday, and told her the story of when I nearly died in a motorcycle accident with the same partner I’m with now. A unique situation for a couple in their early twenties.
After hearing my long list of injuries she asked, how did he support me through it? Did our relationship mature? It’s quite a shocking thing for a young couple to experience.
We’re in our thirties now and, somehow, it worked out. The reality of being human is, you either support each other through the bullshit or break up. I know a couple of people whose relationships ended through life changing events: vehicular collisions, family deaths, the pandemic.
I thought about it for a while, sipping an iced matcha tea made with coconut water. I laughed and I said, well, at one point he flushed my turds down the toilet for me.
She laughed in surprise and nodded in agreement, recognizing together that at my worst he didn’t flinch or look away. When I couldn’t move because my body had shattered, and was therefore constrained to relieve myself in a commode by the side of a hospital bed, he carried those golden nuggets to the bathroom himself and flushed them for me.
He was still in his final semester of college at the time. We hadn’t even become full adults yet. He’d come to visit me while I was stitching my bones back together in the hospital bed, and he’d, so carefully, slide into bed with me and hold me. I remember feeling desperate to have him near.
Later in our relationship, there’ve been other tricky situations that’ve challenged us, bending the rebar that holds our relationship together almost to their breaking point.
While my friend sipped her fruit tea through a boba straw, I realized then, it must’ve been those early days of the accident that helped my partner and I through the following decade (because did I mention the pandemic?!).
I love when a book lingers in my thoughts as I’m living my ordinary life, and then suddenly, small enlightenments bloom like buttercups in the morning.
Vi doesn’t need a movie-star boyfriend to feel loved, Vi needs somebody who’s willing to flush her turds in an emergency!!!
True love is when somebody can handle your shit.
(And you can handle theirs.)
Love,
Amani
Banter below!
What should you look for in a partner?
How should a partner make you feel valued?
My book club said their ideal blob would fix things around the house. What would your ideal blob do for you?
New in the Home Library
A biweekly glimpse into my work collecting books to build a home library I adore by the time I perish of old age.
I’m in a moon-y mood!!! I spent two hours at East Bay Book Sellers after a really hard day this week, carefully selecting two new books that would improve my wellbeing with their delightfulness. Moonbound by Robin Sloan has the most exciting start to a novel I’ve read in years. (King Arthur meets N.K. Jemisin and their love child is this book.)
A book of essays, I’m Never Fine by Joseph Lezza. Gifted from the author. (Thank you!)
Wanting by Claire Jia I’m so tremendously excited for. What I’ve read so far gives me that pleasant feeling you get from gossiping with your bff. I’ve asked Claire to guest on the Books & Banter podcast and she said yes! Stay tuned!!!
New Thrifts
A Ferrante in perfect condition from Pegasus Books, CA. My Brilliant Friend, $12.
An Ellison with a gorgeous cover from Spoonbill & Sugartown Books in Brooklyn, NY. Invisible Man, $8. A modern classic recommended by author Jon Hickey in our enlightening podcast interview, who said he had to have it close while writing! Listen here:
Maas, my gateway drug into the “ACOTAR” series. I can’t wait to read on a day I need full escapism. Trajectory: far away from here, $12.50.
And finally, a Flaubert. On the journey towards an intellectual life, I’m attempting to replace my social media scrolling with phone-sized books. I’ve been hankering for an Oxford Pocket Classic for a hot minute!!! I squealed the appropriate amount a book nerd should when I came across this flawless copy of a story about the original desperate housewife, from Pegasus Books. Madame Bovary, $8.
That’s it for now! Like, share, and banter in the comments. Upgrade to support the newsletter and remember to have fun! 💬📚
In case you missed it, here’s the podcast and vodcast interview with Sara Hamdan!
Hola , Mí Pareja Ideal Falleció Hace Dos Años , Sinceramente Me Es Casi Imposible Encontrar Una Mujer Tan Especial Como Era Ella. Me Encanto Leer Que Has Recuperado Un Libro De Flaubert , ( Tengo Más De 16.000 Libros Casi Todos Comprados En Librerías De Segunda Mano ) , A Mí Pareja Le Encataba Éste Autor. Un Saludo.
My partner has seen me experience an unendurable amount of self harm through 13 years together and he has never left me and continues to try and help me out of the darkness. For example, one night, in bed crying about being too full and wanting desperately to purge, I woke him up and he spent an infinite amount of time massaging my entire body and assuring me I could get through this moment and make it to other side and with his love, I did. I had always thought that with the right person my bulimia would disappear because I assumed no one would love me while I was sick but I was wrong on both these things. In my partner I want to show my scars and be reassured over and over and over that I have the power to get better.