You deserve to live

Keep going another day

Figures In A Souq Painting by Charles Stuart

You deserve to live.

When I imagine your future, I see you at ease, walking through a crowded cobblestone street on a nice day. The sun shines on your face but never too warm or blinding. Fluffy clouds move across the sky and you think about the world as it spins safe and secure around. Our planet is dependable that way.

A breeze ruffles your hair and with it the smell of gelato reaches your nose. You follow it to a shop tucked away within a brightly lit side street, the line isn’t too long. You order a scoop of freshly made pistachio and a scoop of raspberry in a cone.

Laughter, passes by the doorway, as people walk down and out to the edge of water, which shines brightly blue, crisp like glass. You follow them and savor the sweet and nutty taste of your treat. Sit down on the edge of the pathway and kick your legs over the water. The bottom of your shoes hover an inch above, so close they could be dipped in and soaked on a whim.

No. You like your dry feet.

You deserve to live.

This mantra pops into your head, every now and then. Along with a few others.

You’ll be okay.

This is temporary.

You are needed.

Although, sometimes, the last one doesn’t work so well. Not when you know you’re needed but feel like you’re failing.

What to do about that…?

There’s more.

Later, I see you holding a microphone in a karaoke room surrounded by a handful of people smiling, drinking, laughing. You know this song like you know your face in the mirror. The same wrinkles and grooves get deeper every time you look. Same with the music, your go-to song for karaoke. A song you’ve sang a hundred times. You sound out-of-tune, your rhythm is a little off. You laugh and think to yourself that your pitch is in another dimension, but this is the fun of it. You’re enjoying the silliness of the moment. Isn’t it nice to be silly? You realize. Why are you serious to the point of exhaustion? Can you change the habit?

You deserve to live.

You’ll be okay.

Keep going another day.

Because, I see you in tears when a loved one embraces you. You play it off like it’s nothing. You change the subject.

When you’re home alone, everything begins to feel suspicious again. There’s a pressure upon your head. The worry. What if… What if….

But still there’s more.

Do you see what I see?

I see you howling from the tallest peak of a mountain, because you didn’t give up the hope. Yes, you may have fallen on the way up the rocky slope, the ground was slippery, wet with leaves, but still you bent those weary knees and got back up. It doesn’t matter how many days it took for you to stand and climb again.

You deserve to live.

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