Thank you for writing this! I like to think women's pain is dismissed across the board because once it is taken seriously in one measure the dam of invisibility society projects on us will break and we will FINALLY be seen as deserving of ease in many forms - domestic violence, maternity leave/child care, general healthcare, the steel boot of patriarchy etc. - A tipping point is coming.
Jesus, that must be horrendous! As a fellow sufferer with period pain, I can't tell you how "seen" this post made me feel. I need pills every month just to be able to get out of bed and even then it feels like my body is on auto pilot.
I never had an injury like yours, but I can also attest that one big toe fracture hurts way less than period pain, and I'd take it over getting an IUD any day
I've had 2 IUDs now and I cry every single time, it's very reminiscent of my previously awful periods that the IUD helps keep at bay. My old periods left me physically ill, trembling, and falling asleep on bathroom floors. I broke my arm as a kid and can only assume my periods hurt more than that as well
Thank you for sharing and for your vulnerability. I’ve had endometriosis for a few years now, 2 years of which were a “suspected diagnosis”. When I finally got confirmation of the diagnosis, I felt immense relief because at least I had a diagnosis, if nothing else. And my cries would be heard and not blown off like it was all in my head.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting. Thank you for writing so lucidly about the unconscionable failures of the medical system. I’ve had chronic pain for 5 years now. Without a doubt physical pain in women is consistently disbelieved, dismissed, and denied by doctors. They seem eager to say it’s all in your head or emotional (ie hysteria, an archaic, misogynistic term stemming from the unspeakable cruelty of Victorian asylums.) It’s even crossed my mind to bring a man with me to appointments, thinking that the doctors may be more willing to listen and take me seriously if a man is present? At the same time, mental health conditions are routinely ignored, stigmatized, and judged by many health professionals, to the detriment of vulnerable people who are suffering from mental anguish. It’s literally a matter of life or death, depending on if someone has access to decent mental health treatment. Invisible disability can feel so isolating sometimes, and I appreciate you speaking up about this crucial issue. Yeah I know what you mean about the judgmental glances from doctors who seem to size up their patients income brackets and then doubt any self reported pain levels (tbh at times I’ve noticed the distrustful side eye glances from unfamiliar doctors.) The whole system feels broken. Partly it’s the inherent cruelty that comes with the for profit model, but there’s also the harmful biases built in. Though I’ve been lucky enough to find a few trusted doctors, like jewels in the rough, a person’s health shouldn’t rely on a roll of the dice. I sure hope someday that the biased and sexist healthcare system can do better. People’s lives are on the line. I loved the mention of Kahlo and her beautiful art; she’s so gifted yet I feel sad that she suffered in pain. Thank you for writing this excellent late night essay.
I have brought a dude to my endometriosis appointment, in my experience, the doctor talked to him more than me, but were more believing of pain. It wasn’t better.
As another person with chronic pain I can attest to the serious isolation one feels. I just got back from getting a haircut, gasoline in my vehicle, and dinner fixings and I’m wrecked. Me and my ice pack are horizontal over here wanting more Victorian frolicking of feisty ladies (I already watched the latest Bridgerton season).
All to say, I feel you, in my bones and to my ovaries.
I went to Mexico City in 2022. I went to Frida’s house. They have a tour of her house as a museum, but then they had an exhibit of her braces and corsets. I wept for all of us.
I was in horrific pain over the weekend with the worst UTI I have ever had. I called my new doctor Monday, whom I had seen Friday, to plead for a script. I was in tears, told I would have to be seen (ironic) despite the fact I couldn't control my bladder and drive to the clinic. Three hours later I fishtailed my way through the system to conduct a virtual visit with a provider who sent scripts from two states away to a pharmacy five blocks from my house. In pain and distress, angry, I questioned how a man can get Viagra via text but I was required to drive to "be seen." Speak your truth. Always.
i’ve dealt with chronic illnesses since i was very young, and i completely see where you’re coming from. i’ve experienced disbelief and misdiagnoses from doctors countless times and i know many other women with the same experiences. it’s disheartening but at least we see each other! sending health and positivity to you 🤍
I love this! I'm going through the process to have a formal endo diagnosis and I've been in pain because of it half my life (15 years!!!). It can feel so debilitating to deal with it alone for so long. Thank you for sharing.
thank you for this post!! i've recently been recommended the book "womb" by leah hazard – a feminist nonfiction about the womb from a midwives perspective (i think it also mentions medical history and the lack of research) & another book that has been on my tbr is "doing harm" by maya dusenbery which explores how sexism in medicine harms women. have you read any of them?😊
i live with endometriosis and other chronic conditions that create immense amounts of chronic pain. this was a very cathartic read - thank you thank you thank you
I have literally said this to my husband! I broke my collarbone 5 years ago and at the time it was the most pain I'd ever been in. But then a couple of years ago I had a ruptured ovarian cyst and have said to my husband multiple times that it was more painful than breaking my collarbone.
I deeply resonate with this post. I really appreciate that you took a deep dive in an issue which is often swept under the rug even by those who suffer from it 👏
Thank you for writing this! I like to think women's pain is dismissed across the board because once it is taken seriously in one measure the dam of invisibility society projects on us will break and we will FINALLY be seen as deserving of ease in many forms - domestic violence, maternity leave/child care, general healthcare, the steel boot of patriarchy etc. - A tipping point is coming.
I wish you an ease filled recovery.
Jesus, that must be horrendous! As a fellow sufferer with period pain, I can't tell you how "seen" this post made me feel. I need pills every month just to be able to get out of bed and even then it feels like my body is on auto pilot.
I never had an injury like yours, but I can also attest that one big toe fracture hurts way less than period pain, and I'd take it over getting an IUD any day
I've had 2 IUDs now and I cry every single time, it's very reminiscent of my previously awful periods that the IUD helps keep at bay. My old periods left me physically ill, trembling, and falling asleep on bathroom floors. I broke my arm as a kid and can only assume my periods hurt more than that as well
Thank you for sharing and for your vulnerability. I’ve had endometriosis for a few years now, 2 years of which were a “suspected diagnosis”. When I finally got confirmation of the diagnosis, I felt immense relief because at least I had a diagnosis, if nothing else. And my cries would be heard and not blown off like it was all in my head.
This essay was so much needed. Thanks for that! I am really new on Substack but I can already appreciate the people in here! So refreshing.
This made feel incredibly seen. Thank you so much for this piece Amani!
That’s great to hear, Florencia.
For. Real. Thank you.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting. Thank you for writing so lucidly about the unconscionable failures of the medical system. I’ve had chronic pain for 5 years now. Without a doubt physical pain in women is consistently disbelieved, dismissed, and denied by doctors. They seem eager to say it’s all in your head or emotional (ie hysteria, an archaic, misogynistic term stemming from the unspeakable cruelty of Victorian asylums.) It’s even crossed my mind to bring a man with me to appointments, thinking that the doctors may be more willing to listen and take me seriously if a man is present? At the same time, mental health conditions are routinely ignored, stigmatized, and judged by many health professionals, to the detriment of vulnerable people who are suffering from mental anguish. It’s literally a matter of life or death, depending on if someone has access to decent mental health treatment. Invisible disability can feel so isolating sometimes, and I appreciate you speaking up about this crucial issue. Yeah I know what you mean about the judgmental glances from doctors who seem to size up their patients income brackets and then doubt any self reported pain levels (tbh at times I’ve noticed the distrustful side eye glances from unfamiliar doctors.) The whole system feels broken. Partly it’s the inherent cruelty that comes with the for profit model, but there’s also the harmful biases built in. Though I’ve been lucky enough to find a few trusted doctors, like jewels in the rough, a person’s health shouldn’t rely on a roll of the dice. I sure hope someday that the biased and sexist healthcare system can do better. People’s lives are on the line. I loved the mention of Kahlo and her beautiful art; she’s so gifted yet I feel sad that she suffered in pain. Thank you for writing this excellent late night essay.
I have brought a dude to my endometriosis appointment, in my experience, the doctor talked to him more than me, but were more believing of pain. It wasn’t better.
As another person with chronic pain I can attest to the serious isolation one feels. I just got back from getting a haircut, gasoline in my vehicle, and dinner fixings and I’m wrecked. Me and my ice pack are horizontal over here wanting more Victorian frolicking of feisty ladies (I already watched the latest Bridgerton season).
All to say, I feel you, in my bones and to my ovaries.
I went to Mexico City in 2022. I went to Frida’s house. They have a tour of her house as a museum, but then they had an exhibit of her braces and corsets. I wept for all of us.
I was in horrific pain over the weekend with the worst UTI I have ever had. I called my new doctor Monday, whom I had seen Friday, to plead for a script. I was in tears, told I would have to be seen (ironic) despite the fact I couldn't control my bladder and drive to the clinic. Three hours later I fishtailed my way through the system to conduct a virtual visit with a provider who sent scripts from two states away to a pharmacy five blocks from my house. In pain and distress, angry, I questioned how a man can get Viagra via text but I was required to drive to "be seen." Speak your truth. Always.
i’ve dealt with chronic illnesses since i was very young, and i completely see where you’re coming from. i’ve experienced disbelief and misdiagnoses from doctors countless times and i know many other women with the same experiences. it’s disheartening but at least we see each other! sending health and positivity to you 🤍
I feel seen 🥲 thanks so much for writing this!
I love this! I'm going through the process to have a formal endo diagnosis and I've been in pain because of it half my life (15 years!!!). It can feel so debilitating to deal with it alone for so long. Thank you for sharing.
thank you for this post!! i've recently been recommended the book "womb" by leah hazard – a feminist nonfiction about the womb from a midwives perspective (i think it also mentions medical history and the lack of research) & another book that has been on my tbr is "doing harm" by maya dusenbery which explores how sexism in medicine harms women. have you read any of them?😊
i live with endometriosis and other chronic conditions that create immense amounts of chronic pain. this was a very cathartic read - thank you thank you thank you
I have literally said this to my husband! I broke my collarbone 5 years ago and at the time it was the most pain I'd ever been in. But then a couple of years ago I had a ruptured ovarian cyst and have said to my husband multiple times that it was more painful than breaking my collarbone.
I deeply resonate with this post. I really appreciate that you took a deep dive in an issue which is often swept under the rug even by those who suffer from it 👏